Memories

I thought I saw you yesterday, for an instant, out on the street.  That familiar face in a sea of strangers. And for a few fleeting moments, life was perfect again.

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You were still here, with your crazy ideas and silly jokes, impishly navigating your way out when you knew you were in trouble. Because, let’s face it, no one could stay mad at you for long. That old, now unfamiliar feeling of happiness and warmth, that was your gift to the world. Making everyone in your life feel special, and heard, and perhaps, most important of all, feel loved and accepted.

When I reflect on my life so far and everything I’m grateful for, you are always the first thing on my mind.  We could spend hours together talking or in silence, and still walk away with a lighter heart. You taught me that life is about the simple things, and to take a day at a time. Having a five year plan was well and good, but you are a constant reminder to live in the moment. There really isn’t any point in planning a future if you can’t live in the present.

You aren’t here anymore, and that sucks. You were the best part of me, you still are, but you couldn’t stick around anymore. That hurt more than I thought I could handle, and it’s taken years to accept it. People keep saying that I’ll get over it eventually, but I don’t think I will. I don’t want to. Because even on my darkest days, you make me smile. Just the thought of what you would say makes everything else so insignificant. Maybe it is selfish of me to hold on to the memory of you, but memories are all that I was left with,  when our future together was stolen.

I’m back on that street again looking, but I know it’s not you, just a stranger with a passing resemblance. You were gone a long time ago and I know I won’t see you again. We can all have irrational thoughts sometimes, and wonder, what if. Because for just a few moments, it feels good to know that my world hasn’t crashed all around, and you’re still here with me.

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